Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
