Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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