If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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