So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
