I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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