there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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