Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
