Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
