Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
