SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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