I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
