Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I want her autograph on my taint
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
