can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
