i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
