I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
