I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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