well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
