If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
