I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
