do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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