The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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