I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
