I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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