My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
