you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize