finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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