You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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