You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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