Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
