my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
