brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I will die if light touches me.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
