I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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