He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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