My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
