Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
