I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
