We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
