there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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