I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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