I accidentally had phone sex last night
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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