shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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