I heard we made out
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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