He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
