just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
