I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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