He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
