David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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