how do flat chested girls get laid?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
