Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
