Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
