the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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