He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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