This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
