it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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