cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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