ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
