I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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