I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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