Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
