oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I got inside last night via doggy door
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
