Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
