im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
