I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
