I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
