Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
