If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We had sex on a dog bed..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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