Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
