sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
