i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
