Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
