Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
