So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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