Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I need a beard to bite.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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