He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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