I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
