I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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