my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
